Beware if you are in the pub and spill the pint of Tom Docherty, the Labour MP. He may not take too kindly to it and, possibly, have you imprisoned under anti-terrorism laws.
Feeling dirty and degraded already, WineOfTheWeek continues its trawl through the pages of The Sunday Mail to bring you all the news you may otherwise have been spared.
It seems Mr Docherty, enjoying a bottle of chardonnay at the Commons bar, popped out to freshen his palate with a cigarette on the balcony.
On his return, he was told by the barman that two men had walked off with the remaining half of his £14 bottle.
After retrieving the wine from the balcony where the two thieves had taken the wine, Mr Docherty, understandably incensed, summoned security and presently the police were called.
By this time, Mr Docherty had his wine back and finished, but insisted that the miscreants be tracked down because of security concerns.
Poor Tom seemed alone in his desire to uphold National Security, as the police, though forced to fruitlessly scan through security CCTV, seemed to regard the issue as a bottle of wine stolen and returned.
Tom was less at ease at the thought of unchaperoned trade union members wandering the halls of government and stealing his wine, despite colleagues suggesting he was making a mountain out of a molehill.
To this day, the two perpetrators have not been caught, and probably never will be.
Intriguingly, No 10 has failed to supply an alibi for dynamic duo Cameron and Clegg, who are known always to work together, and have been accused by many of being ‘thieving bastards’.
WineOfTheWeek, as always, keeps an open mind…