I’ve never forgiven George Lucas for The Phantom Menace. He should never have made it and we, the Star Wars generation, should never have gone to see it. You b*stard George. You utter b*stard

For me, it’s even had the effect of de-valuing the original movies to such an extent that I just won’t have any mention of  ’A New Hope’ in the house. Until now.

Take a look at these winestoppers from the Coolstopper shop on Etsy.  I don’t know about you but I’m off to the toshi station to pick up some power converters.

Wineoftheweek can now be viewed on the iPad. I know this because I’ve just received my brand, spanking new (and shiny) piece of Apple hardware and very excited I am too.

Here in the UK, we’ve been looking enviously at our American cousins for the past few weeks while we waited for the iPad to arrive on these shores. Now it’s here and it’s time to play.

Wineoftheweek is a WordPress hosted blog so I would like to give a big shout out to the guys at WP and also the good people at WOOTHEMES on whose template wineoftheweek is built – well done guys, the site looks gorgeous on the iPad. Phew!

I don’t want to tempt fate but it looks like Summer is a coming here in the UK and that means picnic season is upon us.

From the awesome Etsy comes this Bent Walnut Picnic Wine Tote. Yes, a handcrafted walnut wood bag!

The bag is designed around your standard wine bottle size (don’t try forcing an Alsace Riesling into this puppy – there’s not a lot of ‘give’) has latigo leather staps and is lined with wool blanket.

You’ll see from the picture that the additional straps provide a handy holder for your rolled up picnic rug.

We are in awe of the craftsmanship but we have to conclude it looks as comfortable as a bed of nails.

Let’s get this straight. Your saying that as the bottle tips into the glass, the glass lights up? And then, as you tip the glass over, the light dims? But surely this way madness lies?

Utterly bizzare inventions are music to our ears here at wineoftheweek. Or rather in this case, light to our eyes. Yes folks seeing is believing so I give you the “Light Sommelier”…

Here’s a question. You’re out swimming with your wife in the cold, dark waters of Lake Michigan. Except you’re not cold. Your neoprene wetsuits are keeping you warm. At which stage do you suddenly think “I wonder if this extraordinary man made material will also keep wine cool?”.

Well, the only people who can answer this questionare Mr and Mrs Chillnjoy who’ve created these cracking little accessories for this year’s outdoor season. I’m particularly enamoured with the “instructions of use”:

Step 1: Freeze removable gel packs for cold, crisp wine; refrigerate for slightly chilled wine. Take care when removing frozen gel packs from freezer as if dropped, they could crack.

Step 2: Place chilled gel packs in interior pouches.

Step 3: Insert bottle and zip top to secure; let wine chill conveniently on-the-go.

You can buy them here.

This weekend is promising to bring the first high(ish) temperatures of the year. And us Brits will seize the opportunity to either rush to a London park for a picnic or dust off the rusty old BBQ for a boozy Sunday afternoon in the garden.

So, whether  you’re a champagne socialist heading to Primrose hill with a bag (recycled) full of Italian meats and East European cheeses, or a Middle England conservative planning a home counties (gas-fuelled) barbecue for your local W.I,  can I recommend that you get yourself this year’s essential wine accessory – The Wine Holster AKA The Booze Belt.

For those of you who are too cool for school, try the stylish “quiver” from  ! Graf & Lantz (see photo left)

How about this for a product description of what they coldly call “wine transport”:

“The Quiver is made of elegant bi-color 3/16” (5mm) thick merino felt and vegetable tanned leather details. The side belts are adjustable to snugly fit standard through Champagne bottle sizes.”

If you’re looking for something a little less subtle, then try the Booze Belt from After5catalog.com. Judging by the image below this young lady is about to use her fine pair of holsters to embark on a serious session of hardcore liquor consumption. How’s this for another extraordinary product description?:

“The Booze Belt is a unique personal liquor dispensing system! With two holsters for the spirit of your choice, and six molded shot glass chambers for the included shotgun shell shot glasses, you’ll be the undermining law and order (responsibly of course) in no time!”

We need more yeast!! Quick add more YEAST!!

When I first moved in with my present wife  four years ago, I decided to sell my PS2 and give up a life of gaming. I didn’t see this as a sacrifice, and it certainly wasn’t an act of submission to the impending life of servitude. No. Gaming for me had run its natural course and to be honest, I never really found a way into Vice City: San Andreas anyway.

Over the past year, the iPhone has re-introduced me to the joys of handheld console gaming in the way that my 1980′s self found joy in the Game & Watch series. I was a Nintendo Oil Panic man all the way in those days.

So, the iPhone is as far as it goes in terms of my return to….WAIT A MINUTE, what’s this coming over the hill? A PC game that allows you to create the vineyard of your dreams in 10 of the most important wine regions of France?

Command operations from your very own French Chateau? Build your winery, plant and tend your vines through all four seasons of the year, and hire staff to harvest and process your grapes?

Produce 50 French wines such as Bordeaux, Burgundy, Pinot Gris and Champagne from more than 40 different grape varietals, all in the ultimate goal of becoming a wealthy wine baron?

This could be it! This could be the way back in for some serious gameplay. REJOICE!!

Actually judging by this promo website we may be heading for disappointment but I really hope this not to be the case.

Wine drinkers everywhere are praying that they developers have built in “TRON” functionality allowing for quick transmorphication directly into the pixellated wine vat…

The Wine Bottle Accessory Kit performs a balancing act between tat and cool. And, for me, cool just about wins out.

The bottle shaped case worries me slightly – describesd as “matte black plastic” – I fear it may be similar to the cheap industial packaging of my Darth Vader figurine case ($26?!).

 The kit comprises of a combo corkscrew/bottle opener, drip stop ring, stopper, foil cutter, and a combo pourer/stopper. 

Check it out.

My Owner is so stupid he thinks I give a toss what I eat out of. Just slop it on the floor and I'll be happy.

Every now and then I come across a wine gadget or innovation that sings to me like a nightingale. The Whiner and Diner feeder is one such creation.

Made out of old wine crates from European and Californian vineyards, the feeders house a couple of removable steel bowls.

One for white one for red?

I’m convinced that if my dog expressed a love of wine it would be towards left bank Claret. She’s a King Charles Cavalier and therefore has expensive taste.

The manufacturers of the product take their maketing pitch too far when they say that  the bowls also help your dog’s posture and “reduce the need of leaning, bending and the stress on the muscles and joints” (C’mon – it’s a dog bowl no matter how much you dress it up! What next? Doggy RSI?)

Anyhow, I want one. I hope they ship.

Every now and then you come across something so utterly preposterous that it almost defies belief.

And so it is with the $30,000 Corkscrew from Svied. Remind me, there’s a recession on right?

It may have an 18 carat gold fingertip lever, but take a look at this video. Personally, I would have lost the will to live during the age it takes him to cut the foil.

Note to self: File under tosh.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj7TFxzI9O0]