Can it really taste as bad as it looks?

After the first successful detonation of the Atomic bomb, J. Robert Oppenheimer recalled Hindu Scripture with the declaration, ‘Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.’ I wonder if the manufacturers of Chocovine experienced similar emotions when they first blended chocolate and wine?

The sales pitch for Chocovine tells us all that we need to know:

Chocovine is a fine French Cabernet subtly combined with rich dark chocolate from Holland, paired together to create a decadent silky smooth drink.

Chocovine is blended in Holland by one of the oldest and respected cream manufacturers in the world. Chocolate and wine can be paired in such a way that features the best and most interesting aspect of each flavour profile.

The right chocolate paired with the perfect wine can create a near orgasmic taste experience… after years of research the perfect union of wine and chocolate is not only a reality but the outcome is a true match made in heaven.

Additionally not only is wine and chocolate a tantalising blend for its sensational taste, but research shows that they are both rich in antioxidants. Chocovine is gluten free.

Blimey. So not only is it made from ‘fine wine’, it’s also good for you, takes you to the point of sexual satisfaction, is the product of scientific research while also being a product of God himself.  That’s some drink.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

One of the glorious rituals of hot summer days is the purchasing of picnic food and wine before heading up to the local park for a lazy afternoon with the wife, baby. dog and weekend papers.

So, at which point would you sacrifice the satisfying popping of the cork from your bottle of Rosé in favour of this? This hideous foil peel plastic wine glass.

One can only imagine how appalling the actual wine is.

At what stage in the decision making process does someone think that buying six “peel and drink” wine glasses is somehow more convenient than buying a whole bottle?

And at what point does someone look at this packaging and say “Wow, I bet that’s quality wine?”.

And finally, in the pursuit of convenience, have we really forgotten that the cork does actually go back into the bottle?

The picture below explains everything. Well done mate, you can carry them upside down. Just as Bacchus intended. I’ve blacked out his face to protect the innocent.

Bored with your elegant but purely functional Riedel wine glasses?

Ever wished you could capture your reflection in the glass?

Well, take yourself off to the wonderful world of Etsy and check out FizzyArtist’s wine glass custom cartoons. Based on any photographs you wish to send her. All sold in sets of ten.

Regular readers to this blog will know that I’m an old fuddy-head on matters

relating to wine packaging. So, what to make of former Hollywood “enfant terrible” Francis Ford Coppola and his Rosso & Bianco Winery offering their sparkling Blanc de Blanc wine in a glamorous pink and silver mini can. The wine (Sofia) is of course named after his daughter.

When Mr Coppola was slowly losing his sanity filming Apocalypse Now I can imagine him turning to professional headcase Dennis Hopper and saying, “One day Mad Dog, I’m going to own a vineyard and name a wine after my beautiful daughter”. I can’t imagine that he dreamed of putting her in a tin can. With a bendy straw attached to the side.

This is not the first time he’s put his daughter in the can, the last outing met with a critical backlash with the Godfather Part III so will this experiment fare any better?

Oh and they come in packs of four. Handy.

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Dom Pérignon have paid “tribute” to Claudia Schiffer’s bosom in the form of a breast shaped bowl. Yes, folks, the “boob-bowl” is the latest creation by German designer Karl Lagerfeld and apparently it’s supposed to be a modern version of the bowl from a dining service made especially for Queen Marie Antoinette back in 1787.

According to legend, the original bowl was the exact size of one of cake loving Marie’s breasts (not sure which one). In turn, it is said the bowl was used to model the well-known coupe-shaped Champagne glass. This of course makes one wonder what the modern day flute is modelled on. Lagerfeld’s intepretation rests upon a stand comprising three porcelain replicas of Dom Pérignon and a platter bearing the signatures of the designer and his favourite top model.

The creation is to be sold along with a bottle of 1995 Dom Pérignon Oenothèque, at a mere $3,150 a go. What a cheery tale for these austere times. It’s good to know the rich continue to pursue their own vanity trips while global capitalism continues it’s inexorable decline.

Tesco has unveiled a range of budget wines, packaged in one-litre Tetra Paks and priced at £2.89.
The three-strong range, which includes a red, a white and a rosé, has been sourced from from Spanish producer Felix Solis Avantis.    

Tesco says it has launched the range to “support customer’s needs” in a rapidly changing market. But the introduction of the range also echoes the supermarket giant’s commitment to reduce its packaging waste by 25% by 2010.

Wine category manager, Andrew Carpenter, said: “The market has changed rapidly over the past 12 months, and we have responded quickly and effectively to these conditions to support our customers’ needs.

“While our average bottle spend is still over £4, an increasing number of customers are forced to limit their spend. Rather than lose them from the category entirely, we have responded with a stronger value offering.”