Oz? Oz? I'm coming to get you Ozwald...

First it was Hugh Johnson’s priceless garden antique  and now it’s Michael Broadbent’s bicycle. Yes, dear readers, a crime-wave seems to be sweeping over Britain’s most revered wine writers.

Back in March this year,  Mr Johnson had a 17th century astronomical sphere  ”half inched” from his Essex garden. Johnson, the legendary glass sniffer, lives in Saling Hall in the village of Great Saling and often opens up his gardens to the proletariat (God bless yer Guvnor). A reward has been offered but no news yet…

The tale of Broadbent’s bike is, with respect to Lord Hugh, a little more distressing. Stolen from his garage at the beginning of June, Broadbent describes the bike as “a very old white Dutch ladies bike with a basket on the front and back”. Ladies bike Michael?

The bike was regularly featured in Broadbent’s Decanter column and was so beloved that those nice chaps at Decanter clubbed together to buy him a colourful branded bicycle helmet. Unfortunately that was stolen as well.

So, who’s next? On the recent BBC4 show about Berry Bros,  Jancis Robinson was seen pointing her pink Flip camera at unsuspecting winemakers. I’m worried what signals this may have sent out to Britain’s criminal underworld. You could get £20 for that Flip from Monkey Joe at Kentish Town West. Watch out Jancis.

What’s absolutely certain is that no one could possibly steal Malcolm Gluck’s ego. I mean, where would you find a getaway van big enough?

Notorious Shark Pickler Damien Hurst has designed a brace of wine labels in support of the BBC’s charity event “Red Nose Day”.

No longer old enough to be classified as an “Enfant Terrible” the infamous taxidermist has returned to his faithful “dot” for the two designs.

Red nose Red Pinotage Shiraz 2008 and Red nose White Chenin Blanc 2008 were produced by SAAM Mountain Vineyards in the South African region of Paarl and selected by first lady of wine Jancis Robinson and Observer wine writer Tim Atkin.

The wines will retail at £4.99 a bottle, with £1 from each bottle sold donated to Comic Relief. Mr Hurst’s wealth is estimated at £200 million and in September a whole collection of the artist’s work fetched £111 million. Wowzers.

Pass me that pair of compasses and some felt tip pens, my muse is a risin’!