Cheer up lardy bum

This just in from the Press Association:  ’A regular Chinese takeaway contains the equivalent of a wine glass full of lard.’

WineOfTheWeek loves it when a brand  commissions a research company to produce blindingly obvious findings that they then hand over to a PR company to sex up and pimp around to lazy journalists.

It’s an endless cycle of turgid marketing pitches dressed up as news stories.

The ethics of this process aside, one has to marvel at the analogies that are used to get the messages across in the media.

For example, whenever there is a natural disaster such as an earthquake, flood or wildfire, the land area affected is always described by the press as “an area the size of Wales”.

Indeed this ‘Land of our Fathers’ analogy has become so prevalent that there are now dedicated websites that allow you to calculate anything you like in relation to the size of Wales.

So, when the weight loss product Lipobind saw the results of it’s study into takeaway food they decided to co-opt a wine glass for their analogous purposes.  They then filled the glass full of lard.

Here’s what the research concluded.

• A meal including prawn crackers, crispy duck, chicken balls and spring rolls includes 2,823 calories and 132.5 grams of fat – the equivalent of a small wine glass… the average takeaway overall includes around 1,500 calories.
• The poll of 10,000 British adults found 35% eat at least two takeaways in a typical week. A further 11% have a takeaway five times a week, while 5% admit to eating one every day.
• Almost a third (32%) voted a Chinese takeaway as their favourite meal, followed by 26% who preferred Indian food. Just under a fifth of those polled (19%) ordered a side salad or diet drink to make their meal healthier.
• However 20% ordered a side of chips with their Chinese or Indian meal, adding an additional 250 calories and 15 grams of fat. Some 8% said they had concerns about the fat content of their takeaway.

But here’s the best bit.

Nutritionist Mary Strugar said: “If you do not exercise regularly, just two high fat takeaways a week could contribute to a substantial weight gain, adding more than 3,000 calories to your weekly allowance, increasing your chance of type 2 diabetes and other weight-related health problems such as hypertension and coronary heart disease.”

Thanks Mary for stating the bleeding obvious. Now go back to your science lab and stop filling our wine glasses with this corporate sponsored fat.

WineOfTheWeek has been slurping on about the lack of innovation in the SmartPhone sector when it comes to wine brands for some time now.

Just as we were planning on opening up the iPhone SDK to create our own Frankenwine’s monster, along comes this super concept from Veuve Clicquot.

The idea is simple. If you are attending an event sponsored by Veuve you can use your iPhone to order champagne and have it delivered to your exact location.

You enter the type of fizz and the number of bottles you require and GPS does the rest. Within minutes, a Veuve branded golf buggy bounces it’s way to your destination and a lovely lady hands you your Champagne.

They call it their ‘concierge’ service and WineOfTheWeek witnessed it’s debut at the Gold Cup Polo finals last Sunday.

Yes, ok. You read that correctly. In what can only be described as a complete betrayal of our value system WOTW attended a Polo event. Can I offer up ‘we go to these events so that you don’t have to’ as a justification? Someone help me out here!!!

Putting my class prejudices aside, the concierge service is a good example of how to use the iPhone’s geo-location services to good effect during event marketing so we’ll give them a thumbs up.

The app also contains an events calender and invite friends function however the latter requires friends to also have the app installed for it to make it any use.

And the Polo? Didn’t understand a single minute of it. Although some bloke told me that, just as in football, there aren’t any decent English players. Very reassuring.

Now, where did I leave the latest edition of Tatler? Is that it there underneath my Boden catalogue…?

The iPhone4 may be a cr*p phone but it takes nice pictures

An example of one of those depressing articles that you occasionally read in the Wine Press.  Read and weep as JC’s lazy marketeers deliver phrases such as “We are excited about this opportunity to engage with our target audience…blah, blah blah”. 

The JC marketing guys really are the Spinal Tap of Wine, but at least this old school nonsense confirms why I’m right to avoid their products.  

Say When!!? How about never?

Jacob’s Creek has struck a deal with Twentieth Century Fox to sponsor a major new film starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

The wine brand will partake in a range of promotional activities around the launch of Australia, which hits UK cinemas next month.

Activity will include a high impact outdoor and media campaign, dedicated campaign microsite, extensive on-pack promotion, in-store activation and consumer and trade PR and experiential support.

A large scale on-pack promotion supported by in-outlet merchandising and point of sale material will offer consumers the chance to win a trip to Australia. Hundreds of runners up prizes will also be on offer including Jacob’s Creek Hampers and Odeon tickets. 

The promotion will run across five million bottles and feature an online instant win mechanic, continuing nationwide for six weeks from mid-November 2008.

Annnabelle Kuhn, head of marketing for wines at Pernod Ricard UK, said, “With the key attributes of being iconic, authentically Australian and premium, there is no doubt that Jacob’s Creek and Australia create the ideal partnership. 

“We are excited about this opportunity to engage with our target audience and have an excellent range of targeted and high impact activities in place, guaranteed to connect with our consumers and ultimately drive purchase.”

The campaign will also achieve global reach with the film’s international release across markets including Australia, North America, Europe and Asia.

Australia opens in cinemas in the UK on December 26.

Jacob’s Creek also recently teamed up with the Mail on Sunday to launch an online drama.

So, Sarah Palin has been found to be in violation of a state ethics law prohibiting public officials from using their office for personal gain. What amounts to a sacking of a senior public official over a family feud, marks the end of another depressing week in America’s presidential politics.

It’s doubtful whether the ruling will have any impact on public voting behaviour but, despite public protestations from Republicans relating to the partisan nature of the enquiry, there are sure to be further private concerns in the GOP about Palin’s credibility.

Now, I don’t know what Palin’s drinking habits are (I’m presuming teetotal in public, moonshine shots on the porch in private) but she probably would have no doubt passing off the alcoholic fruit juice of her adopted state as fine wine. And that it ain’t. There are four wineries in Alaska but don’t expect to find any sign of fermented grape juice – it’s all Blueberry, Wild Rose, Wild Fireweed Raspberry, Black Currant and Gooseberry.

I have nothing against alcoholic juice from fruit other than the grape. Technically it still qualifies as wine and I’m sure some of it tastes ok. But I do have an issue with growers of fruit wines peddling their wares as if they are equal to the product of the grape vine. Growers of fruit wine need to find an alternative marketing approach – by defining themselves within the vine they immediately draw attention to comparisons with fermented grape juice. The consumer ends up feeling disappointed never to return. If growers or marketers had the imagination, they’d seek to define their products as a different form of alcoholic drink as close to wine as beer is to cider.

As for Palin, Republicans are rejecting the notion that her actions were a violation of ethics as there is no evidence that she received any personal gain. However, an instance of corruption where the crime did not yield any material gain is actually more depressing. If you going to dabble in a bit of corruption at least let it involve a harbour-side property or a brown paper bag full of used fivers. The fact that Palin was simply avenging a slight on her sister is bad enough but to then sack an official who wouldn’t help her in this cause tells us all we need to know about the standard bearer for Joe Six Pack (who he?).

If nothing else, the last few months has finally proved that the American experiment has gone wrong. More4 are currently showing the HBO drama John Adams – a story of serious, educated, inspring, principled men for serious, challenging, revolutionary times. A time when elitist men were celebrated and looked to by the people to lead and do the right thing. Now we have Palin, Obhama and McCain and a populist electorate who rush towards the sugary hit of alcoholic Blueberry punch.

Sure it tastes good but it aint the real thing. Never will be.